You Shouldn’t Want This

I have to start this by giving the Devil their due. The Patriots have done it again. I hate it, it’s not fair, and it is the most irrefutable proof that there is no God, but it’s true. The Patriots struggled for half a decade, and now they’re back to fighting for the number one seed in the AFC…again.

I know what you New England fans are going to say, “You hate us, cause you ain’t us.” Save your breath, and the potential carpal tunnel, there’s no debating it. You’re dumb, but your team is good again. 

Not only are the Patriots elite again, Drake Maye is most likely going to win MVP this year. Matt Stafford drowning in the fountain of youth last night pretty much locked it up for Maye.

Before you start gluing Drake Maye headshots into your wedding albums, you should know that your guy winning MVP is statistically a guarantee that the Patriots will not win the Super Bowl. 

You read that right. 

According to NFL statistics, the MVP of the league has an incredibly slim chance of winning the Super Bowl. Let me break it down for you. There have been 59 Super Bowls. Only 11 players who won regular season MVP have won the Super Bowl that year. For the mathematically challenged, that’s 18.64%. Not so bad right? Well, let’s dive a little deeper into that number. 

Before I continue, let’s agree on one thing. Comparing the NFL today to the NFL of yesteryear isn’t fair. Football in the 70s, 80s and 90s is nothing like today. So let’s bring those numbers into a more timely context. 

Bringing things into this millennium, since the year 2000, how many regular season MVPs have won the Super Bowl? 

Before I give you the answer, think of some of the greats that played or are still playing in the 21st century: Brees, Rivers, both Mannings, Vick, Allen, Mahomes, Lamar and even your own golden boy Tom Brady. The cream of the crop really. A who's who of NFL legends. In this the best era of offense the game has ever seen.

With all that said, what’s your guess? How many regular season MVPs have won that year’s Super Bowl since 2000? The answer folks is…one. 

That’s right, just one. Patrick Mahomes did it in 2022. That’s one time in 25 seasons, a rousing 4%. Not sure about y’all, but that’s not great. As a matter of fact, that’s horrendous. To make it easier for you simple New England fans to understand, let me put that another way. The reigning NFL MVP has a 96% chance of not winning the Super Bowl. 

“Not sure how everyone else feels, but if there is a 96% chance of something not happening, it’s not happening.

To the Patriots fans out there screaming that they have the best player in the league this year, and it’s the start of a new dynasty, just remember that pretty much guarantees that they are not going to win the Super Bowl. Not to mention that the AFC goes through Denver, which is one of the few remaining homefield advantages in sports. 

While you watch your new golden boy lose to a team with a superior defense, just remember, I told you so. MVPs don’t win Super Bowls and there’s nothing you can say to change my mind.

Even while in the process of posting this blog, future MVP Drake Maye’s chances of winning the Super Bowl have dropped further. His top receiver Stefon Diggs is facing some serious charges that involve “strangulation” that could result in Diggs missing the playoffs. 

The stars have aligned folks. The numbers never lie. Even the justice system is proving me right. Enjoy having an MVP on your roster. It means diddly bop squat when it comes to winning a championship.