Time Zone Defense

Well, it’s that odd weekend that comes every fall. We’ve fallen back an hour thanks to the end of daylight savings time. As a chronic early riser, this development doesn’t really impact me. I mean, I’ve been awake since 3:30, already had 2 cups of coffee and a breakfast and a half. It’s a rough life, I know. 

Since I’ve already been up for four hours at the time of writing this, I’ve had some time to think. That’s never good. It usually ends either with spending more money than I want to, or writing a ridiculously overthought blog that 40 people will read. Since I got a new iPhone yesterday (which I’m told is lavender), it’s time for y’all to be subject to the useless thoughts spinning around in my mind. 

This weekend’s time change had me thinking of a conversation I’ve had a couple times with a variety of people. Having lived almost exclusively in one timezone, and dragging my drowsy ass into work after staying up for a late Sunday Night Football game, I have pondered which US timezone would be best to live in as a sports fan. 

Before I dive into it, you should know that this is an opinion based on my own preferences. Feel free to disagree with me. That’s what makes the internet great. People are allowed to be wrong all the time. So, have whatever feelings you want. You’re wrong, but that’s great. 

As previously mentioned, here in the Owl’s Nest, we are early birds. That has a lot to do with both Mrs. Owl and myself being educators. But even as hatchlings, we were both up early. So needless to say, “prime time” games are a struggle for me. Here in the eastern timezone, 8pm kickoffs, tipoffs or first pitches are a recipe for dreadful mornings at work. A game of any length has potential to end around midnight and my alarm being set to 5am have led to some uninspired gym teaching some Monday mornings. Hearing the alarm has frequently left me thinking, “If only I had an extra hour or two.” 

So, having lived it for 33 years, the US eastern timezone is not great.

The other timezone I’ve spent the most time in is the Pacific. A long three hours behind the eastern. “Prime time” games would then start at 5pm. Sounds pretty good to me at first glance. A little early dinner with a decent Monday Night Football game after a rough Monday. But then I thought about it. I usually get home from work around 4, and Mrs. Owl gets home around 5. So, that doesn’t leave much time for us to do what needs to be done around the house before the game comes on. Not to mention the distinct possibility that something comes up and we’re running behind schedule. Also, don’t forget that on NFL Sundays, games would start at 10am. That doesn’t leave much time to run the traditional Sunday errands.

Sorry to the west coast, but you’re out. Although, I did spend one Super Bowl Sunday in Carson City, Nevada and the game starting at 3pm was cool. It was bright and sunny the whole time which was odd, but why would I care about how bright it is. 

That leaves only 2 other timezones to discuss. No disrespect to Hawaii and Alaska, but let’s be honest, that’s not really the US. Am I right people? 

It all comes down to either the Central timezone or the Mountain timezone.

First off, by whatever measure you use, the “central” timezone isn’t in the center of anything. All of the zones have appropriate names, except central. To be the true “center” there would need to be an odd number. Whether you think there’s 4 zones, or 6, there is no center. It’s like those phonies who say they have two middle names. Nope, if you think you have 2 middle names, you have no middle names. It’s just math. 

Semantics aside, let’s get into the real issue here. And I will hesitantly use the name “central” regardless of my own objections. 

In the Central timezone, your primetime games of any sport would start at 7pm. Not bad. Plenty of time to get home after work and do the stuff that needs to get done, have some dinner and then settle down for a game of your favorite sport. Also, being a fan of mostly east coast teams, when they are broadcast on local time, like MLB, the games would start at 6pm. Baseball is better on the radio anyway, so that’s still enough time to get my garbage done and maybe listen to the first few innings while finishing up. NFL Sunday kickoffs would be 12pm, 3pm and 7pm. Pretty good. But that 7pm start time is still a little late for my taste. A good game of almost any sport will never be much shorter than 3 hours so that puts the game finishing at 10pm. Then, if it’s a good one, or if there’s any controversy, I like to listen to a bit of the postgame show. That puts us at 11pm. 5am would come pretty quickly after that. And that’s if everything goes according to plan, which it never does. If I was teaching in Aurora, Illinois, those kids would get the same tired and usually disappointed PE teacher. 

That leaves what I believe the best timezone to be a sports fan in. Ironically, it’s the timezone I’ve spent the least amount of time in. The longest I’ve ever been in the timezone was during my family's trip to Yellowstone where we stayed for 5 days. Followed closely by the 8 hours my father, brother and I spent stranded at the Denver airport on a trip home from Nevada. 

Before I tell you why I’m definitely right about Mountain time being the best zone, I obviously have some bias. Being a Denver Broncos fan has clearly swayed my opinion a bit. But my logic here is still solid. 

Let’s start with national primetime games starting at 6pm. That sounds awesome. Not only is there enough time to do whatever you need to do beforehand, but there’s even enough time to throw together a nice dinner and sit down right as the game begins. Add in the fact that halftime would come right around 7:30pm. Enough time to prep whatever needs to be done for the morning and really settle in for the second half. Then, the game is over by 9pm if things go well, and 10pm if it’s an overtime thriller. So, for those who think Central is the best, if all goes wrong in Mountain time, then it’s the same as Central. 5am is still going to feel early, but normally I could be asleep by 9:30pm which would probably make me a better teacher and more importantly, a better more involved sports fan. 

Now that the prime time games are solved, let’s look at the NFL Sunday slots. 11am, 2pm, then 6pm seems a little strange at first glance. Seeing a game that technically starts in the morning does startle some. But us earlybirds have pretty much completed our daily activities on a Sunday by 11am. I’ve typically been up for 5 hours at least, so no excuses about not having time. To me, this schedule seems perfect. College football starting at 10am on Saturday is a little alarming, but it can be dealt with. 

Finally, my east coast teams’ games would start at 5pm. Slightly early yes, but again, baseball, especially, is much more enjoyable on the radio. Throw it on while cooking dinner or taking the trash out or whatever. That sounds quite relaxing. 

Never thought I’d spend an hour of my life breaking down the benefits of being a sports fan in various timezones, but there it is. Let it be known that I am aware that I am either the oldest 33 year old in the country or the youngest 73 year old. The American education system is completely to blame for that. Being up early has become such a huge part of my life, that it has forced me to write this manifesto that impacts literally nothing. But if you’re like me and have thought about this for entirely too long, give me your feedback and I look forward to you being wrong.