Feeling “Good” is often chased. It is more often wanted more than it is actually achieved. That “good” feeling comes in many forms; donating their time as a volunteer, giving money to charity, there’s many different walks to raise awareness for ailments and conditions, giving that homeless dude money at the intersection so that he can go buy some crack. There’s many ways to feel “good.”
But have you ever took a shit so good that it gave you goosebumps?
Google “that good feeling,” and what pops up will help you understand what I’m talking about here. But before you go, hear me out.
Your poop can tell you many things. Your health being the primary thing. When I was younger, I would just get over a sickness, and my dad would ask “How long did you have diarrhea?” Maybe this was his way of figuring out if I was playing it but whenever you have over 3 days of liquid shit, it’s going to be a rough road for you.
Poo-phoria is a real thing. Just ask Dr. Anish Seth. Your bowel movement can stimulate your vagus nerve. You have to find that good spot where your load is big enough to stimulate it but not too big or it could even stimulate it enough to where your heart rate and blood pressure drop enough to make you pass out on the porcelain throne.
I’m going to admit something that may get other dads in trouble. We hide in the bathroom. I even look myself in here (yes I’m pooping right now as I write this). It’s quiet, secrete, and very decompressing. Never leave the door open, that’s when you get rushed by the kids and the dogs. After the first wave of combatants roll through that’s when the danger comes. The wife walks in. This is when your handed the long list of about two things to do before you can go play video games. That long haired 5-star general is there to put you to work. This is why we lock the doors. (Side note, we’re going to find out if my wife reads these).
Now go have a beer while on the toilet. Don’t call me gross, I saw a man eating breadsticks on the John while he was making a Instagram reel… that’s gross. As your in El Bano, crack open a nice cold beer and let the wave of bliss wash over you as you wash away your body waste. You’re welcome.
The commode is a great place to gather your thoughts. This is historically well known. Let’s not forget the great minds that came before us and remember to get the most out of that eggshell white seat.
Don’t even get me started on bidets…
(Editor's Note: I edited this while bringing the Brown's to the Super Bowl. It checks out.)