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TB12: By A Hater

Per the Blind Owl’s request, here’s a little piece about Tom Brady.

First thing first, I doubt he’s retiring and this is just another way to get under my skin. Much like the Broncos/Patriots game in Gillette that I went to. The Broncos were up 20-0 at the half and you guessed it, Tom Brady came back after a muffed Wes Welker (who was in orange and blue) punt return. Heartbreaker. To be fair though, I did go to Mile High and watch the Broncos beat the Pats in overtime during their championship season.

I hate Tom Brady. There’s nothing about his game that’s really impressive. Outside of his luck. The dude lost to Eli Manning in the Super Bowl, which ruined a perfect season. Things tend to fall Tom Brady’s way and there’s plenty of examples; Vinateri’s two kicks, the Falcons meltdown and the AFC East being bottom feeders other than the Patriots. He had the greatest coach of all time for two decades, with an always stout defense. Just look at his last game versus the Rams. Two fumbles by LA and boom (RIP Madden) the Bucs almost stole it.

Now to be honest, maybe I’m traumatized by the unmatched success Tom Brady had. When I first got interested in football, I was playing flag football in the 6th grade. We were the Broncos (each team had an NFL mascot). I played QB, mostly because I could throw the entire length of the field but I digress. There was this dude with a horseshoe on his helmet, some people came to know him as “The Sheriff.” This man became my idol and I began to represent that horseshoe. So yes, I grew up a fan of that AFC team that was the Patriots biggest rival during their run of success. My step dad and his friends were pretty good at talking shit to a kid during this time. Peyton commanded the entire offense and as we know now, most of the entire franchise. His preparation and the way he put his offense into the perfect situation (most of the time) was unmatched. Manning vs Brady became a very fun time to be a fan, and now Allen vs Mahomes will try to rival that time. So I’ve always had to listen to how great Brady is and I never shied away from saying #18 is better. I’ll let you figure out how well that went in Massachusetts. Peyton going to Denver was a storybook ending for me, I continue to roll with the orange and blue because that’s where I started and Peyton brought me home.

Fast forward, I moved to Tampa Bay. And guess what fucking happened. Tom Fucking Brady joins the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. For real, this is my life. I knew the Bucs were going to do well. When you get a guy with the resumé of Tom Brady, it’s going to glue the locker room together. They went on to win the Super Bowl (which was in freaking Tampa) his first year with the team. So now my Broncos suck and I have to listen to how great this avocado eating mother fucker is all the time. My nightmare. As much as Peyton brought me home to Denver and it being like a story book, Brady coming to Tampa proves he exists for the soul purpose of torturing me.

I said I was being honest, but allow me to be realistic. These reports of Tom Brady retiring have filled me with relief. Patriot fans got to move on from Tom Brady before I could damnit. Then I started remembering the times of Manning vs Brady (Manning has more playoff wins head to head by the way) and realized it needed Brady. I remember actually crying (not like sobbing but shedding tears) when Peyton retired, and the NFL is starting a new chapter if Brady is really done. As much as Brady isn’t the most talented guy, he is the most decorated. As much as I hate this dude, there’s a lot of people that love him. A major problem in the world is people are detached from empathy, Brady has had such an impact on the game. He was a 6th round pick and won 7 Super Bowls for crying out loud. The dude should have never gotten a chance, but he did and he’s done things that will never be repeated.

So for the first, last and only time, I tip my hat to you Brady. Now, get the hell out of my life!

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