Super Bowl LVII Prop Bets
The big game is almost here. Brendawn, the Cowboy and I have worked hard for all of you this season. We didn’t miss a single week of picks. Editor’s Note: Yes I missed one game. As much as I enjoy doing it, it is a bit of grind to do this. It’s not like being a coal miner or a gym teacher or anything, but it’s relatively difficult. But like I’ve said before, not all heroes wear capes. Sometimes they wear sweatpants and a free t-shirt they got for coaching freshman football.
I know you’re all waiting for our picks about the actual Super Bowl. Well, you’re going to have to wait until tomorrow. But as an appetizer, we’ve decided to bring back the prop bets we did last year. People seemed to like them and hell, I like them. So we’re doing them.
WIth all that said, let’s dive right into the prop bet nonsense. Enjoy.
National Anthem Length: Over/Under 120 Seconds
Blind Owl: I am still not over what happened at Super Bowl 50. I know my team won, but that National Anthem by Lady Gaga. I had a coffee on the line. I had the under, and that psycho decided to repeat the last line just to fuck me over. I still demand an investigation. My bitching aside, let’s have a look at this year. Chris Stapleton is singing this year. He’s a good country singer. Not my favorite but it’s better than other options I’ve seen. The over/under is really high. Two minutes is an eternity, but I’ll never be shocked at an Anthem’s length. The over/under could be 10 minutes and I’d consider it. That being said, I’ll take the under here. Chris better not fuck me like Lady Gaga did.
Concret3Cowboy: Under, I’d expect Stapleton to keep it simple and sweet. Don’t really see him holding the high notes or trying that hard… which is how the anthem should be sung.
BrendawnoftheDead: I enjoy Chris Stapleton which is a welcome departure from the usual Super Bowl performers. Tennessee Whiskey is an all timer, fight me. Historically, this is a hammer the over kind of bet, but I think country singers respect the anthem too much to do something like, oh I don’t know, repeat the last line and hold the note entirely too long. That coffee was delicious for the record. For the first time ever, I’m going with the under.
Chris Stapleton’s Main Hat Color: Any Color
Blind Owl: This one is biased. Who made this damn list? A color question? These troglodytes I’m working against could just lie to me about the color and I’d have no choice but to believe them. Well, the question is here, I’ll answer it. I’ve always thought a black or white cowboy hat is a good look. I wish it was socially acceptable for me to wear one. Alas, it is not. I’m going to say Stapleton rocks with a black hat.
Concret3Cowboy: Camo, duh.
BrendawnoftheDead: Ummm brown? I don’t know, why not?
Scoring Drive Shorter than Anthem: Yes/No
Blind Owl: Let’s face it, anthems are getting longer and scoring drives are getting shorter. So yeah. With two explosive offenses, I think this is a lock.
Concret3Cowboy: There’s going to be multiple scoring drives fast than the anthem. Unless we get what the Bills and Chiefs did earlier this season, and not trust their defense enough to have both defenses play very well. Either team can score at will.
BrendawnoftheDead: Absolutely yes, there will be a drive shorter than 1:58. The Chiefs have shown they can get into field goal range in 13 seconds, 1:58 is an eternity. The Eagles have AJ Brown and Devonta Smith who are explosive plays waiting to happen, so yeah expect an explosive play td or a quick sub 2 minute field goal drive.
First Coach Shown on Screen: Reid/Sirianni
Blind Owl: I am incredibly tempted to take a push here. I can imagine the first image of coaches on screen being a split screen comparison of the two. The same goes for the next one too. But if I have to take a pick. I’ll say Sirianni because he is younger and may actually be seen amongst his players for their intro. Reid is too old for that nonsense.
Concret3Cowboy: Reid because someone is going to make a burger joke, thus leading to a shot of the large man in red.
BrendawnoftheDead: I have nary a clue how this works so I’ll go with the larger man, making him more likely to end up in a camera’s field of view. Reid and fat guys for the win!
First QB on Screen: Mahomes/Hurts
Blind Owl: Patrick Mahomes has a hurt ankle still. So he won’t be doing a full sprint during the team intros. This is Jalen Hurts’ first Super Bowl. He’ll be jacked up and ready to go. We’ll see him first.
BrendawnoftheDead: Mahomes won the MVP and my brother in Christ does the media LOVE him. No chance the networks won’t have cameras on him at all times.
Coin Toss Winner: Chiefs/Eagles
Blind Owl: I did this last year, and I’ll do it again. The Chiefs are the away team, and will choose the flip. I think they win and defer. That means Philly gets the ball first.
Concret3Cowboy: 50% of the time, it works every time. I’m just going to say Chiefs to be different.
BrendawnoftheDead: Fun fact, coin flips aren’t exactly 50/50. They are more like 51/49 to land on the side that was up when initially flipped. For that reason, I’m guessing the coin lands on heads. What will the Chiefs pick? Who the Hell knows. Probably tails because as they say, “tails never fails”... except statistically it does when heads is up, which I think it will be? Going with the Eagles via convoluted nonsensical logic not worth the effort put in.
What Will Happen First: Sack or TD
Blind Owl: I don’t think there will be many sacks in this one. Both QBs can escape pretty well and we’re going to see some fast paced football. So I’m going with a TD being scored first.
Concret3Cowboy: Sack, not that it will really hurt either team.
BrendawnoftheDead: If the Chiefs get the ball first, I’m going with a sack. The Eagles had 4 guys with double digit sacks in the regular season and I think they will ultimately be the deciding factor in this game. The Eagles line is a bit beat up and Chris Jones is a monster, so I can easily see Hurts getting sacked on the opening drive as well.
Who Will Score First TD: Any Player
Blind Owl: The easy answer on this one is a receiver or tight end. Instead of doing that, let’s try and make some big cash. I said above that the Eagles will get the ball first. So logic tells me that they will score first. But it won’t be AJ Brown, Davante Smith or even Hurts. It’s going to be Boston Scott. He’ll pound it in from the 1 or 2 yard line.
Concret3Cowboy: I’m going to ride with Valdes-Scantling. Why? Don’t ask me questions.
BrendawnoftheDead: The obvious is Travis Kelce but that’s boring. I’m going with Isiah Pacheko (spell check?). Dude runs hard and that’s reason enough for me.
Will There Be A Wardrobe Malfunction at Halftime: Yes/No
Blind Owl: Aren’t we all rooting for this? Yes.
Concret3Cowboy: This is Rihanna’s first live performance in years. But how often do wardrobe malfunctions really happen? Not often. However, in this situation I can see her and her team really trying to push the envelope. So not Rihanna but someone will tear.
BrendawnoftheDead: I’m going no because what even is a wardrobe malfunction these days? You can wear a fishnet suit revealing everything and it is socially acceptable, though I believe that an application and sign off should be part of this process. So yes, things will be revealed but I can’t say it won’t be intentional making it not qualify as a “malfunction.”
Which Team Will Have More Punts: Eagles/Chiefs
Blind Owl: This is going to be an offensive explosion. So there may be a punter who gets a ring and may never take the field to punt the ball. This one is tough. Another one that could literally be a push cause nobody will punt. Again, I’m forced to pick so I’ll take the Eagles.
Concret3Cowboy: Chiefs because the speed on Philly’s defense is unnatural and may give them more punting situations. I do not think the stage will be too big for Hurts, so pretty good feeling with Chiefs.
BrendawnoftheDead: The Eagles statistically have the better defense so I’m going with the Chiefs.
What Color Will Gatorade Shower Be: Any Color
Blind Owl: The ableist bastard that made this list is at it again. I’ll endure this abuse and pick a color. Last year, the shower was blue. I don’t find blue gatorade very good, so I’ll go with red.
Concret3Cowboy: I have to be in the right mood for red gatorade, and it's not like Philly’s colors are really shown off in the gatorade spectrum. I am a big fan of the green apple one though, so give me green.
BrendawnoftheDead: The best two Gatorade flavors are orange and yellow, change my mind. That is irrelevant to the question at hand but it needed to be said. Let’s go with yellow, I’m guessing it is more popular. Editor’s Note: Orange Gatorade BLOWS
Super Bowl MVP: Any Player
Blind Owl: How easy would it be to pick Mahomes here and move on with my life? Even Hurts is not a hard choice. I’ll go with a more unique choice honestly. I’ll say AJ Brown. The guy is electric and Hurts loves him. I was thinking about Davante Smith, but he may be the skinniest NFL player I’ve ever seen in my life. I can’t in all good conscience pick him.
Concret3Cowboy: All I know is that one player from one of these teams will get this award. Hurts me to think of one though.
BrendawnoftheDead: I would love to say Hassan Reddick but defensive players never get this award. I’m leaning towards the Eagles winning and it would be poetic for Hurts to get the award. Going from getting benched in the National Championship game, spending the next season as a backup, winning the SEC championship in a comeback performance after Tua got hurt, transferring to Oklahoma and learning become a better passer, and winning a superbowl and having a better NFL career than the man he was benched for. I want it to happen.