Rich Drunk Drivers

I think we all know how dangerous driving under the influence of alcohol can be. Innocent people die every day because some jerk decided to get loaded up and get behind the wheel of a 2,000 pound death machine. Unlike a lot of crimes, DUIs cross over into all walks of life. All races, classes, occupations and economic statuses are represented in the long list of offenders. I have only one question, why do rich people get caught drinking and driving?


I ask this question on the heels of the news that music legend Bruce Sprinsteen allegedly got bagged for a DUI last November. In the interest of full disclosure, the Boss’s case seems a little murky. But the question still remains, why do these celebrities even put themselves in these situations. Springsteen joins a laundry list of celebrities that have DUIs on their record. Robert Downey Jr, Michael Phelps, Nicole Richie, Kevin Hart, Vince Vaughn, Paris Hilton and the list goes on and on.


As someone who can confidently say, I have never, not once, driven a vehicle after drinking any alcohol, I am completely baffled by this phenomenon. Obviously these people know how dangerous driving while intoxicated is. So why do they do it. Especially the rich ones.


I kind of get it with us normal people. Sometimes the situation is tough. You’re stuck somewhere, can’t find a ride, and feel like you have no choice. To those in that situation, I say just sleep in the car. And nowadays there are so many ride sharing apps that can help you get where you need to go. It seems so easy to me.


That brings us to these celebrities. They obviously have more resources than the average American. The excuses quickly fall apart when you’ve got nothing but money to throw around. First thing, if I were as rich as some of these people, I wouldn’t be driving anywhere myself anyways. Never mind when I know I’m out drinking.


Second thing, I am 100% sure that a celebrity to the level of Bruce Springsteen could easily hire someone and say, “hey, I’m going out and might have a few drinks. You’re job is to stay awake and if I call, bring someone sober to drive my car and come get me.” It is so simple.


Listen, I get it must be freeing to jump in a car and go wherever you want. I have never had that freedom. But when you’re putting others lives in danger, that is where you have to draw the line.


I know I’m coming off a little preachy here. But driving under the influence is a serious crime. I can already hear the “well you’ve never driven, so you don’t know” coming. I’m sorry, but it doesn’t take a licensed driver to know that DUIs are some of the stupidest crimes folks can get caught for. Not only that, they are so easily avoidable.


Take it from a guy who has spent a lifetime trying to find rides places, it is always easier to call a friend or an uber to come pick you up. Think of it selfishly if you must. The aggravation of dealing with the arrest, bailing out of jail, getting your car out of impound, going to court and having you license suspended, is much more annoying than waiting for a while for someone to come get you.


All seriousness aside, if you ever read in the local paper that I’ve been arrested for a DUI, just know that something has gone horribly wrong and the apocalypse may be near….

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