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From Footballs to Punchlines

I’m sure like the rest of you, when I want to laugh, I look to retired NFL quarterbacks for some hilarity. Nothing gets me cackling with laughter like Dan Fouts, Steve Young, Randall Cunningham or Chad Pennington. You don’t do the same? Well, maybe I’m alone on this one.

Obviously, nobody in their right mind can think of a former QB that is well known for their comedy career. As a matter of fact, the funniest thing a Super Bowl winning QB has ever done was unintentional and the result of alcohol and perhaps other substances. This Joe Namath moment is some of the hardest I’ve laughed while watching football. Here it is for your viewing pleasure:

A drunk Broadway Joe aside, the latest news is saying that former Patriots and Buccaneers QB Tom Brady is throwing his hat into the world of comedy. Now, there is some debate as to what the real story is here. One story says that Brady is going to do stand up comedy, with another source saying that he is going to be part of a Netflix “Battle Roast” series.

So I decided to go as far back in my memory as I could, and tried to think of anything even remotely funny Brady has done. Obviously, that brutal “80 for Brady” film doesn’t come close to comedy. That was more akin to some of the beatings he put on other AFC East teams in the mid 2010s. Well, I can’t think of anything.

This move doesn’t come without precedent. Brady isn’t the only celebrity known for something else trying his hand in comedy. My fellow Westfield State Owl and brother-in-blindness Mike Geary did an episode about this phenomenon on his history of comedy podcast “The Relaugh…” I mean “Why Are You Laughing.” If you’re interested in that, here’s the link:

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Like a lot of these celebrities, I anticipate Brady’s ventures into comedy being dreadful. There’s a couple of reasons for this. The main one being that he is not at all relatable. The beauty of a lot of great stand up comedians is that they reach the audience at a very deep level. We can imagine ourselves being in similar situations, and the stories they tell could happen to us. If Brady goes up on stage and tells the story of what he and Giselle did while they were married, I’m not sure we’ll be able to put ourselves on a private jet home from Brazil. Not sure about y’all, but I have no prospects of flying on a private jet, or going to Brazil for that matter.

The bigger societal issue with this is the entitlement that these famous people have. I’m sure Brady was throwing around ideas about what to do in his retirement, and he made some dumb joke about being old, and the yes men he surrounds himself with laughed hysterically. I’m sure it’s been happening for years. So all of that fake, patronizing laughter these people give him to try and stay in his inner circle, has inflated his head to the size of the footballs he deflated back in the day. He hears nothing but praise in his life and that has led him to think he’s really really funny.

The worst part about this kind of thing happening is if he decides to go forward with it, he’ll sell tickets. Not because of his material, stage presence or his material, but only because it’s Tom Brady. I know at least one friend of mine that basically worships the ground Brady walks on, and would be first in line to see his show in the Boston area.

My advice to Brady and other celebrities; get yourself away from the yes men, and get yourself a “that’s dumb” guy. This guy’s (or girl’s) job is to simply tell people when they’re letting their fame go to their heads. They just tell famous people when something they’re going to do is dumb and pointless. I am not even close to being famous, or popular in any kind of way, but I have a group of people who frequently tell me when my blogs are bad. It’s important to hear criticism as well as praise. It keeps you humble.

This endeavor just adds credence to my theory that Brady has lost his mind. He’s no longer a human. That’s what made him a great QB, but it makes him a friggin weirdo in real life.

So if you see “Tom Brady”on the marquee of your local comedy club, save yourself the inflated ticket price. I can confidently tell you that his jokes will not be funny. If you really want to hear Brady do something remotely funny, just read his dumb TB12 book, or watch FOX’s NFL coverage when he struggles to be a color commentator.

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