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Aaron Rodgers: The Lord of Darkness

Why are these QBs from California so damn weird?

If you haven’t heard, Green Bay Packers QB and insufferable douchebag Aaron Rodgers has emerged from his “darkness retreat” he talked about on the Pat McAfee Show. According to him, he planned to be there for 4 days and 4 nights.

Apparently this place Sky Cave Retreats is located in Oregon (because of course it is) and according to their website is “A sanctuary in the wilderness, offering Darkness Retreats.” Rodgers said he was doing this “retreat” to “have a better sense of where I’m at in life.”

Ok, like what the hell is going on in this world? Is Rodgers serious here? This reads like a precursor to some kind of cult mass suicide. First it was Tom Brady doing his wacky TB12 diet with his witch doctor Alex Guerrero, now Rodgers is locking himself in the dark? Correct me if I’m wrong here, but isn’t isolation considered torture for criminals? Now people are doing it to make themselves feel better. As a person who spent some time in complete darkness (not by choice by the way) I find this almost offensive.

According to Scott Berman, who owns this place, the room Rodgers stayed in is partially underground, and devoid of light. The 300 square foot room features a queen sized bed, bathroom facilities and a meditation mat.

As dumb as this all sounds, I have to say good on this Scott guy. I’m sure he charges an arm and a leg for this “service” that anyone can do at home in the basement. He has clearly conned some people into paying for this nonsense. Rich people for that matter. Who am I to knock a guy for making some cash? I mean, I’m currently sitting at a desk I got for free in my two bedroom condo writing a blog that I will make no money on during a vacation from my real job. I think Scott may be the smarter man.

This cultish act by Rodgers is just another stunt in my opinion. He is just trying to make himself more interesting than he really is and trying to make headlines before he inevitably makes the decision to stay in Green Bay. Then, the Packers will have a subpar season and we’ll hear about something like this all over again. Maybe Rodgers will go to the moon with Jeff Bezos next winter or something?

But, like all of these bizarre, cult-like practices it is clearly bull shit. Buried in an article about the situation I found on ESPN, Scott Berman mentioned that this “Darkness Retreat Room” is fully powered. What? These frauds couldn’t even go all in? Oh and he also said there’s a damn light switch on the inside of the room. So it’s not even really a dark room. Who’s to say it doesn’t have Wifi and satellite TV?

Unfortunately, a lot of people won’t see that little disclaimer and idiots will try and repeat what Rodgers did. They’ll actually lock themselves in some sort of crypt and I’m sure someone will end up going insane and painting the inside of the thing with excrement and probably their brains. It’s stupid shit like this dumb celebrities who think their smart that leads to the Church of Scientology and mass suicides.

Take it from me, isolation isn’t a good thing for most people. Yeah we all sometimes need our alone time, but there’s a reason why prolonged isolation is considered a war crime. I’m sure fans in Green Bay wish Aaron stayed in that phony isolation cell and stopped bothering them with the “will he or won’t he” drama every offseason.

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