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Dumb Sports Ideas That Will Never Happen

The Super Bowl is a week from today. That’s pretty cool if you asked me. Unfortunately, what that means for me is there will be nothing to watch on Sunday afternoons for the better part of a year. 


That depressing fact got me thinking. Never a good thing. Usually this means my friends and family have to listen to me squawk on and on about stuff I thought of with all my free time. Luckily for you, I’ve had my own website for a few years now, so instead of badgering Mrs. Owl with dumb ideas, I get to write them down and share them with the entire world. 


Don’t worry. These won’t be crackpot political thoughts, or ludacris historical conspiracy theories. (Reach out privately if you want those) These are just some ideas I had about sports that I think could be kind of fun for sports fans out there. Some will be specific to one sport, others will be collaborations between two or more sports. Even while writing this, I think some of them are ridiculous but hey what the hell, I’ll throw them out there. Don’t dismiss anything right away, give it a chance and maybe one will catch your eye: 

Kickoff Through the Uprights

Ok. I’ll start with one that I actually think is a plausible idea. 


Every NFL game starts with a kickoff. As much as the NFL is trying to rid the game of them, kickoffs are here to stay. They’ve really stopped mattering lately. Most NFL kickers can just blast a kick through the endzone on command. The majority of drives start on the 25 yard line, and the kickoff is just a 5 second TV spot at this point. 


My idea is a simple one. If a kicker can put the kickoff through the uprights, instead of the offense starting at the 25, they have to start at the 10. I’ve heard rumblings in the past of possibly awarding a point to a kicker that can do this. That’s ridiculous. Scoring an extra point can greatly impact a game. But, moving the touchback spot back doesn’t greatly change the game. It just makes it harder for the offense to go down the field and score. This can also flip the field and allow a team trying to make a comeback to have a better chance of scoring. On the flip side of that argument, a team with a lead then has 90 yards to sustain a drive and put a potential comeback to bed with a killer drive. 


It just spices the kickoff up a little bit, and who doesn’t want a little more excitement on their NFL Sunday’s?


Sport Vs. Sport Competitions

When we were kids, my brother and I had endless arguments about whose favorite athlete was “the best.” Of course, I was always on the side of the football players, and my brother advocated for the soccer and basketball players. There’s never any way to really determine which athlete is the best. Yeah we could take measurements and do tests, but that’s no fun. It’s too much math and science. 


What I’m proposing here is a decathlon of sorts that would matchup top athletes in various athletic events to see who would reign supreme. I’m actually surprised some TV network hasn’t tried this to be honest. Who wouldn’t want to see names like LeBron James, Patrick Mahomes, Shohei Ohtani and Messi compete to see who is the better overall athlete? Hell, even throw in your less traditional sports stars like Simone Biles and Michael Phelps into the mix. I get the logistics of this are impossible and the money it would take to make it happen would be crazy, but I just think it would be a good show to watch. Maybe even do it pro-am style and partner athletes up with celebrities and just have a good time? Even if you couldn’t get top stars, B-level guys and girls could still be entertaining. 


Year Long College Football Tournament

For this one, I actually have to shout out to my guy Concret3Cowboy. He mentioned this idea in a text message but it got me thinking. 


Every year, people are bitching and moaning about the college football playoff and who should have made it, and who shouldn’t have. Every year since its inception, there’s been people saying more teams should be in. Well, this idea rids us all of that yearly bitch-fest. 


Instead of having a regular season, the NCAA should create a huge bracket that lasts the entire season and the National Champion will be whoever can go through the whole bracket. The NCAA already has the formula with their annual basketball tournaments, so why not give it a shot. 


Here’s how it works: 128 teams are selected to be in the bracket. They get 4 games of their choosing to jockey for position in the bracket. Then, a seeding committee meets to rank all the teams from 128 to 1. The bracket then starts and as teams win, they move on. The teams that lose are then entered into a consolation bracket of sorts to fill out their schedules. This way, every team gets 11 games, and the championship game is a true undefeated and there is little to whine about. 


This’ll never happen because of so many factors, but it could be fun for a one off. 


Play For The Picks

This one started as a way to replace the Pro Bowl which is dreadful to say the least. But, it is applicable to all other sports. 


In the 4 major sports in the US, the team that has the worst record should get the first pick in the rookie draft. It’s just how it should go. I know a few leagues do a draft lottery to prevent teams from trying to tank, but that’s boring. 


What leagues should do is take the four worst teams in the league and make them play in a playoff style tournament to earn the last pick. Not only does it make it more competitive, but it adds TV revenue, which all these leagues are keen on making. 


I’ll use the NFL as an example. The bottom 4 teams are ranked 1 through 4. 1 plays 4, and 2 plays 3 on the Saturday before the AFC and NFC championships. The winners go on to play in the “Pick Bowl” on the bye week before the Super Bowl. I guarantee this would get more views than the stupid Pro Bowl. It also gives the NFL a chance to workshop new rules in a game that actually matters a little bit. 


Distance Derby

Even I think this one is really dumb, but, here it goes.


Baseball, in my opinion, has the best all-star game experience. Its simplicity is what makes it great. The Homerun Derby is appointment watching for me every year. Brendawn and I have a yearly contest to see who can pick the winner. I’m not suggesting replacing the Derby. So let’s get that off the table. 


What I’m suggesting is adding another event that is similar to the Homerun Derby, but instead of the number of dongs a person can hit, we add up the distances of these dingers to crown a winner. We all love that stupid distance counter that comes up with every homer, why not actually put it to use? 


There’s even two strategies to this. The first is to just have some monster get to the plate and blast 450ft shots. The second is to have a guy just pepper shots over the fence for a cumulative total! 


Alright it’s stupid, but why not? 


Battle of Wits

Ok…this one is just for me. I am a huge Jeopardy fan. I love trivia of all kinds. Why not have our favorite teams or athletes compete in some kind of a trivia matchup to crown the smartest jocks out there. 


This could work in a number of ways. First is just to have athletes try out for Jeopardy and a tournament is held that way. Famously, Aaron Rodgers has been on the show before. Why couldn’t we get all kinds of sports stars on there? 


Or we could channell Billy Madison and have an “Educational Decathlon” to see who is smartest? 


I think the best way to do this would be to follow the lead of Barstool Sports “Dozen Trivia” formula. Each team in a particular league could pick 3 of their smartest players to form a team and then compete against other teams to see who is the most intelligent team in the league.  


Well, those are my ideas. Think they’re stupid? Let me hear about it. Have ideas of your own? Send them my way and if we get enough, maybe we’ll do a version of this blog with your ideas compiled together. All I know for sure is that Mrs. Owl is happy she won’t have to hear about this on our next road trip. Instead, you get to read about it while you're sitting on the porcelain throne. 

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