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2023 Week 5 NFL Picks

We’re pretty deep into the NFL picks this year. Not sure about you, but when bye weeks start we are really into the season. We’re starting to figure out what we have with all these teams. With that being said, let’s have a look at how the boys I did in Week 4:

Week 3 Records:

Blind Owl: 6-10

Concret3Cowboy: 8-8

BrendawnoftheDead: 9-7

So remember what I said about knowing how these teams are… apparently I don’t know anything about these teams. This was possibly my worst week in the three-year history of doing these picks. Meanwhile, Brendawn is just chugging along after having one stumble in week two. The Cowboy is also doing pretty well. He wonders why the week he was busy and had to dictate his pics to me was the week he didn’t do so hot… I’ll let you conspiracy theorists chew on that one for a while. Did my bad week destroy me in the overall rankings let’s take a look:

Total Records

Blind Owl: 29-30-5

Concret3Cowboy: 32-27-5

BrendawnoftheDead: 35-24-5

Oof. The one week my Broncos win, and I absolutely plummet in the standings. I’m actually the first one of us to dip below 500 for the year. That’s never good. Brendawn, meanwhile, is having the year of his life. he just continues to extend his lead the Cowboys doing his best to keep up and seems to be keeping pace but if BoD keeps this up, we’re both in trouble. So let’s dive in two Week 5 and here’s to hoping I don’t continue to suck...


Blind Owl: Well, it’s another early night for me. Easy to pick the Commanders. Howell looks decent. Fields is terrible, like all Ohio State QBs. I may be asleep before the game even begins.

Concret3Cowboy: This Washington squad is on the cusp of being something. I mean, they absolutely got roasted by the Bills but so did Miami last week. This Chicago squad though? They suck, even with the abysmal defense of Denver letting Fields look like an NFL QB for three-quarters of a game they are just awful. 6 points for Washington is almost insulting, but the Commanders are a young team, with that you get a team that is a little wishy washy. Washington for any day of the week, this is also the kind of game that you “sacrifice” to spend time with your wife to keep her happy.

*After Game thoughts* What the fuck was that!?

BrendawnoftheDead: How on earth can anyone in good conscience pick the Bears? They played their best game of the year last week and still got their hearts ripped out by a team that gave up 70 points the week prior. Justin Fields makes poor decisions with the football, whether it be ball security or with his throwing progressions. Washington has a good enough defense to give him issues, especially on a short week of preparation. It's a big spread but fortunate favors the bold, commies cover.

*After game thoughts, "DJ Moore is on my bench. I'm not salty, I swear."


Blind Owl: The Pats lost a lot of defensive fire power in their last game. The great rookie corner is out. Matthew Judon is out. That was their strength. In a defensive matchup against the Saints, not having your best defenders doesn’t usually end well. Saints will take this by a late TD.

Concret3Cowboy: This is a pick em? This is the battle of inapt offenses. Both defenses are pretty good. I don’t have to say it but I believe more in the Saints defense than the Pats.

BrendawnoftheDead: Too many injuries on defense, not enough talent on offense… sorry pats nation. Not only are we losing, we're losing by 2 scores.

NYJ @ DEN: DEN -2.5

Blind Owl: I told myself I can’t pick the Broncos again this year. Especially if they’re favored. With that being said, the Jets are in shambles. This game is going to be dreadful. I have to stick with my convictions and pick the Jets, but I don’t like it.

Concret3Cowboy: The Broncos are favored? They just made Fields actually look like an NFL QB. Well, Washington did too on Thursday Night. The sad thing is the Orange and Blue offense is actually playing well this year. The defense, the only reason I’ve been able to sleep decent during football season the last decade, traded places with the historical horrible offense from last year and said “hold my beer.” I’m also terrified by this game. Wilson out played Mahomes last week, is he about to get MVP votes this week? The Snow Capped helmets the Broncos are wearing this week and the white endzones with the “D” at the 50 won’t be enough for Denver this week. Gotta take the Jets, so I don’t lose twice.

BrendawnoftheDead: This might be the hardest game on the schedule to pick. Both teams stink, though the jets showed signs of life last week. If the Jets can score 17, they win and I think they do just that.

JAX @ BUF: BUF -5.5

Blind Owl: Why is the spread only 5.5? They’re in London I guess? The Bills just beat brakes off of Miami and they’ll continue destroying teams from Florida early in the AM.

Concret3Cowboy: Last week I said “I haven’t seen a down of Bills football.” Well with their dismantling of the Phins I had to look at it. Best team in the AFC. I was stuck on the fact that they lost to the Jets (who are 1-4 btw). The Bills really do have a complete team. The Jags looked good as “toys” in Andy’s room last week and they stayed out in London for this game. They just aren’t there to keep pace with this Buffalo squad.

BrendawnoftheDead: Buffalo just ran over the best offense in football, so this shouldn't be that difficult. 5.5 seems low, hammer the over. Buffalo by 17 at least.

TEN @ IND: TEN -2.5

Blind Owl: The Titans have been surprising, and the Colts have been bad. Quite an easy choice honestly. I’ll take the Titans.

Concret3Cowboy: The Colts offense is actually a lot more efficient than the Tennessee Henries. Even with a rookie QB, I like the Colts to straight up win here.

BrendawnoftheDead: The colts have been a fiesty team this year. They aren't good, but they're in every game. The Titans have taken a big step back defensively and only have one path to victory, king Henry. I think the Colts can limit him enough to take this one.

BAL @ PIT: BAL -4.5

Blind Owl: Nothing is ever “normal” in the AFC North. One team is usually more talented and then it gets thrown aside when they square off. I’m really hesitant with the Ravens. They have so much talent but always come up short. Lamar Jackson can be an absolute monster, or just a flat out dud. I have to pick with talent. Give me the Ravens in what should be an easy win, but I won’t be shocked if they lose.

Concret3Cowboy: Last week I said that the Ravens defense hasn’t been very Raven-like… that was a lie. Their defense did and has done some nice work in this young year. The Steelers are a weird team, but that is what happens with a young squad. Houston did spank them last week.. Ravens it is.

BrendawnoftheDead: Kenny Pickett is hurt and struggles to throw accurately when he isn't. Add in an awful offensive coordinator and I don't see a path to victory. The Ravens are very much Jekyll and Hyde, but I think the talent gap gets them over the top here.

HOU @ ATL: ATL -1.5

Blind Owl: The Falcons had a rough week over in London. I attribute this to the travel and nonsense of playing football in England. The Jaguars are actually used to it, so that explains a lot. I still think they are a pretty solid team and get an easy opponent to come back to. I’ll stick with my gut and pick the Falcons.

Concret3Cowboy: CJ Stroud is putting up good numbers, I think he’ll still be ass but I have to tip the hat on his young career. I may be a bit biased because I do like this Falcon squad and really just don’t care for the Texans. Expect to see the Falcons defense play pretty well with a few big plays given up. I’ll rise up with the Falcons and rely on that defense to get Stroud on the ground a bit. Ridder does suck though so this is a coin flip.

BrendawnoftheDead: Houston has been surprisingly competitive, already won more games than I thought they would. Stroud is playing significantly better than I anticipated, I even picked him up for the fantasy squad. I'm picking Houston, even though I'm sure it will blow up in my face.

CAR @ DET: DET -9.5

Blind Owl: If the Lions can’t beat up on the Panthers, they aren’t for real yet. They won’t have Amon’Ra St. Brown so there’s one less weapon, but the Lions are just so much more talented. Lions all the way.

Concret3Cowboy: The Lions get a nice game to stretch their legs a bit. I wonder if the Lions are the type of team that plays down to their competition or if they can really rout a team.

BrendawnoftheDead: picking Detroit has worked well thus far, why stop now? The Panthers are going nowhere fast, the rebuild is in full effect.

NYG @ MIA: MIA -12.5

Blind Owl: I told y’all. I’m never picking the Giants again this year. This is a massive spread but the Dolphins should bend the Giants over the sink. Go Phins.

Concret3Cowboy: A nice rebound game for the Phins after they got violated after violating the sad horses. Giants stink.

BrendawnoftheDead: Oh it's too easy to pick on the Giants, but I'm still going to do it. They remind me of the Patriots, roster had obvious flaws and did NOTHING to address it in the off-season. Miami is going to make this a track meet and the Giants simply can't keep up.


Blind Owl: The Bengals look bad. Like really bad. Joe Burrow hasn’t been good. My “flash in the pan” prediction may be correct. His douchebaggery won’t be tolerated when he’s this bad. With that said, they are just so much better than the Cardinals. Meanwhile, the Cardinals have been covering all the spreads. Finally Vegas has caught up and stopped giving them these obnoxious spreads. As it changes, I’ll pick with talent and the Bengals, but they’re on a short leash.

Concret3Cowboy: Rules are rules. Arizona.

BrendawnoftheDead: I don't want to do this but I'm taking Arizona. The Bengals are… disappointing? No, they are a team in serious trouble of getting blown up. Dysfunctional, underachieving, reading their own press clippings. Arizona has played everyone tough and will do so again.


Blind Owl: The Rams should be happy, they’re getting Cooper Kupp back. And like Brendawn said, the Eagles aren’t the best at covering. With that being said, I think the Eagles can settle in. This will be a good game but I say the Eagles score late and cover. My auto drafted fantasy team is hoping Kupp is good.

Concret3Cowboy: I… am… unsure. This can either be a stomping on the Rams or the Rams can even steal it. I’ll go with the latter, I like this Rams team. They are not nearly as bad as they were last season and I think they’ll give the Eagles a show.

BrendawnoftheDead: Philly sucks at covering. They'll win by 3 and piss off everyone.

KC @ MIN: KC -3.5

Blind Owl: There is no chance I’m picking Captain Kirk and the Vikings in a high profile game against a real contender. This has Vikings choke fest written all over it. KC all day.

Concret3Cowboy: I’m going Vikings cuz I believe in Daddy Kirk. The rest of the Vikings outside of JJ are really, really bad but the books only have KC at 3.5 for a reason.

BrendawnoftheDead: The Chiefs looked bad last week but the Vikings can't do anything right. KC it is. Mahomes won't look bad two weeks in a row.

DAL @ SF: SF -4

Blind Owl: I actually get to stay up and watch a Sunday Night game. Thank you Columbus or Indigenous People or whoever I have to thank for having tomorrow off. This is going to be a great game. It may be an NFC Championship preview. In this kind of scenario, you have to pick the more complete team. The 9ers have been seemingly unstoppable. The Cowboys seemed unbeatable until they ran into the football juggernaut that is the Arizona Cardinals. Give me the 49ers just based on Dak not being at the top of his game.

Concret3Cowboy: Purdy > Dak? Weird right? San Fran is scary and Purdy is playing really, really well at the helm. I don’t think Dallas will be able to step up into it and exchange with a team that is a higher caliber.

BrendawnoftheDead: The Patriots had nothing to offer and beat themselves last week, the 49ers will absolutely not do the same. Unlike the Patriots, they have talent on offense… a lot of talent. They also have an excellent defense and Dak won't fare well against them. 49ers ftw.

GB @ LV: LV -1.5

Blind Owl: Who doesn’t need a boring Monday night game after a long weekend. I certainly won’t make it through the first quarter of this one. I don’t really like either team, so I’ll take the team that’s more fun to say. Give me DAAAA RAIDERS!! (Chris Berman voice).

Concret3Cowboy: Raiders stink.

BrendawnoftheDead: DeVante Adams is playing hurt and the Raiders are bad. Maybe Josh McDaniels will come back to the Patriots next year?

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